The Last Vacation

I'm just back from a mini-vacation to Lake George with my girls and granddaughters.  We drove up to Lake George, NY on Friday morning and came back on Sunday afternoon.  The last time I was there was with Mike...on the weekend after Thanksgiving...maybe 2006.   Odd that it would be Thanksgiving weekend.  Odder still that I didn't feel emotional at all.  Oh, I thought about stuff...like here is the hotel we stayed at...here is where I walked in the morning...here is where we ate dinner.  Without sadness.

  

What I felt instead was complete and utter joy.  I was so happy to be with my girls and my "littles."  I woke up every morning to the sound of the water lapping at the shore and the birds at the feeder outside my window.  We went boating, and shopping, and suntanning.  We ate fantastic meals and watched the sunset.

I felt joy!  Happiness!  Serenity!  Peace!  I'm living again.  Finally.

Kevin Ambrose

Today is the funeral for Kevin Ambrose.  I didn't know him, but my heart is sad.

Kevin was 55 years old - the same age Mike was when he died.  Kevin was also a police officer in the City of Springfield, MA...killed by an enraged ex-boyfriend of a woman he was sent to protect.  She was also shot, but as of today's date, will probably live.  Lives somehow linked in a moment and changed forever, thereby changing those who loved them.

Kevin's wife, children, and grandchildren will live with the knowledge that he was a hero.  I'm sure it will offer some consolation, but I'm thinking....not much.   He may have died a public hero, but he was so much more than that to his family.  It's the little things that will matter to them...family dinners, the grandkids birthdays, the holiday gatherings, having someone to talk to about your day, the morning routine.

Maybe I feel his death so much more because it is the same profession my daughter works in.  Or maybe it's because, in spite of his hero status, he left behind a family who loved him and will miss him every day of their lives.  And, I know what that feels like.

Hot, Cold, and Lack of Sleep

Mom is always cold.  She wants the electric heater in her bedroom.  It's June.  I tell her "When pigs or snow fly."  She says she's awake at night because of the cold, so we've compromised.  The electric blanket is my concession, 'cause one thing I know about is how "uncomfortable" lack of sleep can be.  

After Mike died, it was months (like 24 of them) before I was able to sleep through the night.  Over the last few months, I've made a few changes so the 2 a.m. wake up calls happen less often.  Things like not eating after 7 p.m., no television or computer 1 hour before bed, and keeping my bedroom cool and dark all work pretty well.  One thing that does not work well is having my little heat generator sleeping in my bed.

My daughter is a cop on the night shift.  Her life partner sometimes works an overnight shift as well.  This leaves my 8 year old granddaughter in my care...sleeping soundly next to me...while I write this blog at 4 a.m.  The kid is a bed hogging furnace.  What I should do is put her in bed with mom and shut off the electric blanket.  Then maybe we'd all get some sleep.