Thursday, May 26, 2011

18 Months

A year and a half...a lifetime. It's like my life is divided now. There's the life I had with him...and the life I have now.

It's not a bad life, but it sure is different...and certainly not what I imagined it would be. I spend more time with my girls and my friends. I'm learning about health and studying at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition and I will be going back to college in the fall. Maybe I'm just trying to keep myself busy...or maybe I realize that I could possibly have another 30 years alone. That's a long time unless you're enjoying life. So, I'm giving it a whirl.

I still have "those days" and today could very well be one of them. The emotional side of me wants to stay in bed, cry, and be all "woe is me." The practical side of me says "get your ass outa bed and get moving." I'm still wondering who will win.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Like a double the gut

Mother's Day...Mike's Birthday. sigh.

I thought I was fine.'s been almost 18 months now. I got through Mother's Day without too much trouble. It was still a little painful, but I managed. So, I start thinking his birthday will be ok. I didn't plan for special little friends over (like last year). So, the day rolls around...and WHAM! I woke up crying!! I got dressed crying! I ate breakfast crying! I got in the car to go to work crying! I hit traffic on the way in and cried like it was the biggest disaster I'd ever had to deal with. I turned the car around and came back home.

I then spent the better part of his birthday in bed or on the back porch wrapped in a blanket, sipping tea, and trying to read a book or listen to my ipod. In the end, it was the perfect way to spend his birthday.

Still miss ya Mikey.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

My thoughts over the last couple of days...

I will mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. "Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that." Martin Luther King Jr.

This was posted on my friend's Facebook status this morning. Now I know why she's my friend.

I wondered why I didn't really feel the same sense of pleasure or happiness about the death of an evil man that the rest of our countrymen seemed to be feeling. Instead, I was thinking about the families who lost their loved ones in service to our country and on that fateful day in September 2001. The end of this man's life did not bring anyone back.

Do I think it was necessary? Probably. But instead of rejoicing, I am remembering...not only the loss of those thousands of people...but of my own loss as well.

If we could put the energy of the last few days into love for others, we truly could change the world. Now don't go getting your panties in a bunch. I'm not saying you have to love those who do evil...just focus on love for humanity in general.

Ok, let the bitch slaps commence.