Saturday, January 29, 2011

Widow is not spelled S.T.U.P.I.D

Here comes another Facebook rant. Hahaha. I'm outa control.

I get these dumb messages from weird men who are "prowling" widows. When the message starts with "Hello Angel", or references hugs and kisses,I immediately roll my eyes. Do you really think that kind of crap is going to work?

I will say, they can be most amusing. Here's a recent one that was sent as a private message:

How are you doing today.My name is Robert Williams, 50years old..I am new to facebook and i saw your profile which really caught my attention and i developed a special interest in you.I am a widowed/single man,loyal, responsible,active,loving, caring, kindhearted, accommodating and sexy.I want a woman with a good heart,one with good knowledge about love and who knows how a man is been treated,age or color difference do not matter to me at all,as long as she loves me,I want a relationship that will last forever and won't fade.Dear,you are such a lucky woman cos you are the only and first woman that has attracted me so far.I feel more comfortable talking to you now on yahoo messenger and my yahoo IM is (robertwantlove)

Give me your yahoo I.D and mine is

I will be awaiting your swift response.

Hugs and Kisses,
Robert Williams .

I am such a lucky woman because I attracted him? Oh, gag me.

I wonder, do the widowers out there deal with this kind of stuff?

Oh, and robertwantlove, if you ever get around to reading this post, I just have one thing to say to you. Bite me.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Are things really harder?

I'm trying to get a grip here. It's been a really bad week. And I wonder....did I have these weeks before Mike died? Or are they just magnified now that he's gone.

It seems like I blame everything that goes wrong on the fact that Mike died. Like it was the beginning of some big hill that I started sliding down toward hell. But, it's not really true. The things that are going wrong now are things that were going wrong before. I just chose not to deal with them before. I didn't have to. Mike took care of stuff, and if he didn't...I just trusted that it didn't need to be dealt with. Wrong.

Yesterday, when I was walking around in the house crying, I found myself bitching at him for not stepping in and taking care of this. My husband. The guy who died.

Thursday, January 27, 2011


I really need to wean myself off Facebook. It takes up entirely too much space in my life.

The posts that end with "repost if you agree" drive me nuts. Most of them contain incorrect or misleading information, but lots of people just assume it's all good. Then, there are the whiners or complainers. I usually want to say something like, " my life honey."

It's not all bad though. After Mike died, some of those Facebook Widow groups saved me from myself. I get to see pictures of my grandkids, and funny videos posted by family members.

But, alas...I still spend way too much time there. Proving that I need a life.

Monday, January 24, 2011

Cold & Hungry

As a widow, sometimes I find it difficult to be grateful. Yes, I'm still grateful for what I have...but what if I'm grateful today, and tomorrow it's gone? Will I still be grateful? I think that's the problem with this kind of loss...I am so very aware how things can go from good to bad in an instant.

Kim and I took a "pointless cruise" yesterday afternoon. We used to do that a lot after Mike died. On our cruise to nowhere, we passed a "bum" at a stop light...holding a sign that read "Hungry and very cold."

We were driving in a 11-year old Ford that, admittedly, needs a little work. But the heater works just fine. And the gas tank is full. We can afford to drive to nowhere. We own our own homes. Well heated homes I might add (well, mine is partially heated with hot flashes).

So, we pass by this guy and notice that there aren't too many people rolling down their windows to throw cash in his direction. Guess they were all afraid that he would just waste the money on booze or drugs. In my opinion, he was working harder than lots of people I know. It can't be easy standing on a corner in the freezing cold carrying a hat, no gloves (-5 here).

We turned around. This time, when I drove up to the light, it was green. I stopped, rolled down the window, and gave him all the money I had for the week. And so did Kim.

Then, I went home to my nice warm house and made myself a sandwich for lunch the next day. I hope he didn't spend the money on booze or drugs, but if he did...I hope he had a warm, safe place to sleep last night. And I'm grateful for all that I have right this second.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Making Memories and Buying Stuff

After all these years, I finally get it.

Mike and I weren't big on vacations or "seeing the sights." Oh, we did a few things, but for the most part, we liked to save our money for the big know...the stuff.

I guess, the stuff helped us to make memories, but let's face was still stuff.

Now, when I think about our family (and especially Mike), I think about the things we did together. The memories I carry with me now are the times we were just enjoying each other. It was all about the love we had for each other, the love we had four our family, and the love they had for us.

There was the camping trip to Cape Cod. Mike and Mary almost drowned that trip...saved by the lifeguards (just in the nick of time I might add). There was the family trip to Maine for Dan's wedding. Mary (the hippie) and Megan (the cop) had to drive up together. We laughed about that one for a long time. There was the vacation to Laconia Maine...Dan blowing kisses to the older girls.

These are the things that I remember...the things that were truly important. The stuff....well, most of it is long gone...and I don't remember much of it.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


I sometimes wonder why, when my grandparents got off the boat in New York City, they decided to go north. I guess it was best that they did...lest I not be here, but I seriously wonder why.

Mike and I were thinking that we would do the snowbird thing...6 months here and 6 months South. As much as I really dislike winter, I won't be doing that alone. So, I need to suck it up and deal...snow plows, snow blowers, snow shovels...will be a part of my life. Like it or not.

Well, at least the dogs are happy.

Or not.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Health Insurance

Well, here I go again...talking about something I probably shouldn't talk about. I just can't help myself sometimes.

If you want to know what the new Federal healthcare law is going to be like, just take a look at Massachusetts. I'm screwed.

I never worried about health insurance when Mike was alive. He worked at a good job, made decent money and had good health insurance. All that changed the day after he died. I then went through a living hell trying to get my own company to cover me...and to this day, they still haven't paid one of my providers. I ended up shelling the money over out of pocket. Maybe someday I'll see the check. Anyways....

Massachusetts law says everyone must have health insurance, and if you fall below certain guidelines, you can get it free. If you don't get insurance, you will pay penalties at tax time. Well, in spite of the fact that I work part-time, I still have enough income to put me over the "free" now I'm eligible for a "reduced" plan. Uh huh.

At my age, the cheapest plan is $425 a month. Massachusetts says, based on my income, I should only be able to afford $275 monthly. Hahahaha. So, I may be able to get a waiver based on the fact that I don't meet the guideline. So, now I have a decision to I get the health insurance or use the waiver?

Honestly, I don't even LIKE the idea of going to a doctor. I see a nurse practioner skilled in natural medicine and lifestyle changes. What I really want is a catastrophic policy. Unfortunately, in Massachusetts, $425 a month IS the catastrophic policy. Regulators have made sure to add all kinds of nonsense that I don't need and don't want to pay for.

If I lived 8.6 miles down the road, I would be in Connecticut, where the catastrophic health insurance is $112 a month. The extra could go into a Health Savings Account where it could be invested. Under the new Federal law, you won't even be able to use the HSA for over the counter meds. Everything will require a prescription.

Let's see. If I rent out my entire house, I could rent a room in Connecticut and get the catastrophic policy. The room would be around $100 a week....oh forget it.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Wedding Rings

In the widow world, there is quite a lot of discussion about wedding rings. When, if ever, should they be taken off. Ha! I can't relate to any of it, because I don't have a choice.

Seriously...I was married at the age of 18. At the age of 54, who can fit into anything they wore at the age of 18? And, if you're that good, my hat is off to you. My wedding ring has never been off my hand, and after 36 years, it probably isn't coming off at all. I've tried.

I think taking your wedding ring off would have to be a very emotional thing to do. I will need to lose 30 lbs first. Another excuse to keep the weight.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The Widow Card

I like playing the Widow Card as much as anyone else does, I get sad and cranky, I cry...but I don't like living in "Widow Drama."

Many widows don't, but I kind of understand it when someone says to me "you really need to move on." I know. It's just hard to figure out what I'm moving on to.

Obviously, things have changed...once widowed, you can't go back. And, honestly...I don't want to spend my entire life living in the past...because I am not there and neither is he. It's a memory. You can't stay there forever. You have to move on. Said by a widow.

I miss Mike every day. I loved that man more in the last few years than I did when we were first married. And he loved me. But, he's gone. There are people that I absolutely love and adore still here with me today, and if they were gone tomorrow, I would be regretting having lived in the past.

On the other hand, I'm a widow...can I get a discount?

Monday, January 3, 2011

Celebrating the New Year

I don't get it...never have.

What has changed on January 1? The numbers of the year...that's it. Oh sure, we may make resolutions and tally up those numbers on December 31...but nothing really changes unless you make the effort.

On December 31, 2009, someone made the comment about wanting the year to be over with because it had been so bad. No it wasn't. Mike died that year, Mary was in the car accident that year...but to be honest, most of the year was pretty damned good. I spent the most amazing summer with my husband, and we were pretty happy.

On January 1, 2010, I had no resolutions...except to get through the year in one piece. In that year, I made more positive changes than ever before. Admittedly, my life had been shattered...hard to not move forward from that.

The point's Life. I have watched people in my own family get stuck for years. Then a crisis hits, and BOOM! Forward they go. The thing is...they decided in that moment to make the move. Didn't have to wait until a certain date said it was time.

Things are going to happen. Life and Death will happen. Even in grief, we can do some pretty amazing things. In my opinion, doing the best you can today is all that's required.

Sunday, January 2, 2011


I am annoyed...once again. Be warned...I am going to bitch.

Mike's best friend, Tim, started to show signs a few months ago of high sugar levels. It started when he got dizzy at work. He immediately made an appointment with his physician and the test results showed a high blood sugar level. A couple of weeks later, he gets re-checked and says everything is fine...his doctor said the numbers were coming down. "No problem...I can eat whatever I want."

Then, he complains that he's waking up thirsty at night...and his eyes hurt...and he can't see!

So, back he goes to the doctor...this time to be put on a prescription drug. Numbers so high, he could end up hospitalized or dead.

I am more than annoyed. I don't know if he was given any real concrete plans to change his lifestyle, but come on! Months!!!

I am frustrated with a medical community that doesn't listen, pushes drugs, and has no idea what the patient's lifestyle is really like. Drugs are not the answer when changes to the diet could have made a huge difference when he first went to the doctor. Most people need to be educated. We were raised on McDonald's and processed foods. Potatoes do not come in a box!!  And we are not deficient in Metformin.

Saturday, January 1, 2011


uh oh.

My dogs are the greatest Escape Artists ever! I have a pretty large fenced-in yard. Those two have managed to break out multiple times over the last couple of months. They've managed to lift the gate off the hinge, bust through the gate, jump the fence, and now I'm pretty sure they somehow managed to tunnel under. Twice yesterday. After the first breakout yesterday morning, my son and I walked the yard...checking the fence...making sure it was secure. Somehow, they did it again late yesterday afternoon.

We scoured the neighborhood. When we weren't able to find them, we called the animal control officer. Yup...he had them...and they were now going to be locked up for the weekend. Jail...until I can prove they're mine and post bail.

I feel like the mother of a couple of "bad" teenaged boys who like to party way too much. I think I've been this route before.

My 2011 Goals: Look for God and dog-proof the fence.