As a widow, sometimes I find it difficult to be grateful. Yes, I'm still grateful for what I have...but what if I'm grateful today, and tomorrow it's gone? Will I still be grateful? I think that's the problem with this kind of loss...I am so very aware how things can go from good to bad in an instant.
Kim and I took a "pointless cruise" yesterday afternoon. We used to do that a lot after Mike died. On our cruise to nowhere, we passed a "bum" at a stop light...holding a sign that read "Hungry and very cold."
We were driving in a 11-year old Ford that, admittedly, needs a little work. But the heater works just fine. And the gas tank is full. We can afford to drive to nowhere. We own our own homes. Well heated homes I might add (well, mine is partially heated with hot flashes).
So, we pass by this guy and notice that there aren't too many people rolling down their windows to throw cash in his direction. Guess they were all afraid that he would just waste the money on booze or drugs. In my opinion, he was working harder than lots of people I know. It can't be easy standing on a corner in the freezing cold carrying a sign...no hat, no gloves (-5 here).
We turned around. This time, when I drove up to the light, it was green. I stopped, rolled down the window, and gave him all the money I had for the week. And so did Kim.
Then, I went home to my nice warm house and made myself a sandwich for lunch the next day. I hope he didn't spend the money on booze or drugs, but if he did...I hope he had a warm, safe place to sleep last night. And I'm grateful for all that I have right now...in this second.