Friday, January 28, 2011

Are things really harder?

I'm trying to get a grip here. It's been a really bad week. And I wonder....did I have these weeks before Mike died? Or are they just magnified now that he's gone.

It seems like I blame everything that goes wrong on the fact that Mike died. Like it was the beginning of some big hill that I started sliding down toward hell. But, it's not really true. The things that are going wrong now are things that were going wrong before. I just chose not to deal with them before. I didn't have to. Mike took care of stuff, and if he didn't...I just trusted that it didn't need to be dealt with. Wrong.

Yesterday, when I was walking around in the house crying, I found myself bitching at him for not stepping in and taking care of this. My husband. The guy who died.

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