Friday, March 4, 2011

Is the 2nd Year Really Worse?

I've heard other widows say it...the 2nd year is worse. I don't know if that's entirely true, but I sure have noticed that I'm missing more of the stuff I never thought I noticed before. Weird things...the dimple on his back, the tatoo on his arm, the way he smelled after a shower, the softness of his hair after a haircut. Then there's the hair in his nose and ears and the sound of snoring (all night).

So, the first year was the year of shock, anger and extreme pain. It's the year of trying to find your footing, of trying to grasp the enormity of what has just happened. In some cases, there is also financial issues to deal with. Mostly, we are completely crazy.

The second year, I think, is the year that you really have to come to grips with the fact that the physical person is gone. The shock has worn off, but you still kind of expect to see him walk through the door any minute now. It amazes me that 15 months later, the sound of a car door shutting outside my house can bring me to my knees. It's the year of understanding just how much life has changed.

1 comment:

  1. Bonnie, You're right. I'm into my third year and the second was far more difficult. The edge of the shock and pain of grief is wearing off but no one is offering as much comfort as they did initially.
    I notice I don't cry as often, but still remember the first day I didn't cry... and I cried the entire next day because of it.
    My life presses on without him. I used to put a dab of his cologne on the pillow next to mine but since our 100-lb lab sleeps there now, the aroma of his cologne is outweighed by Cocoa's drools. The snorts, snores, farts, and hair/fur sometimes makes me miss Mike more, but in a way, they're comforting.
    All the best to you...