The Visitor

I'm spending the week at camp. On Wednesday, we had a visitor...just in time for Wine Night at my site. The kids and a few friends were all visiting for the night, but it's a little unnerving being at camp alone with the grandkids now.

On another note, Mike and I owned (own) a couple of golf carts. His was white, mine is red. I like mine, but it doesn't want to stay running. It died twice on me this week. I had to leave it down by the office yesterday and hopefully one of my boys can get it back up to the site and see if they can get it fixed. I still have his, but this is stuff that he would have taken care of.

Camping makes me miss him more...like I don't miss him enough already.

Independence Day

Fitting. It wasn't very emotional, which kind of surprised me. I did seem to be pissed off most of the day...for 2 days actually. Mike used to handle stuff. For our large italian family reunion, he made sure we had the burner and the large pot with the lid. He made sure there was propane in the tank. He knew what time to start the water for the pasta (al dente is very important in a large italian family like this one).

So, this year, Jason was responsible for making sure we had the burner and the propane. He forgot, so I made him go get everything. Kim was responsible for the large pan. She was 1 hour and 45 minutes late...which put off the entire dinner.

Stuff likes this only makes me miss him more.

7 months later

June 26 was 7 months. I managed to keep it quiet. For some reason, I didn't want to tell anyone that another month had gone by. It was our little secret. Maybe the kids knew. Maybe not. Maybe none of us wanted to remind the others. I don't know.

So, in this 7th month, I went on a job interview and got the job. It's part-time which suits me fine. Monday thru Friday, 9:00 - 1:00 starting on the 12th of July. The interview was great until my future boss asked what my husband thinks about my traveling 50 miles for training. ugh. So, I told him. I was pretty sure he felt pretty crummy...but hey...got the job anyways.

I'm pretty sure the 4th of July will be brutal. We hold our annual family reunion on that day and Mike was always a big part of the "job" we do. Then, the following Saturday is the annual pig roast at camp. Mike and Timmy would wake up at 4 a.m. to put the pig on the spit. One year, Mike hid the pig the night before...then he woke up late. Oh the fiasco he caused. He was such a funny guy.

Seven months. 7. shit.

On Again, Off Again

Mom was supposed to go to Linda's at the end of the week. She will still be going, but only through the weekend. Linda says she's not ready yet. I wonder if she ever will be. The two of them (mom and Linda) are going to be in for a very big shock. Mom says and does things that make no sense. A few months ago, we couldn't get her to leave her apartment and now she doesn't want to sit still.

Mom makes lists. Lots of them. Then, she tries to convince her worker to take her out to buy the stuff on her list. Yesterday she wanted Polygrip. Catie (her worker) told her to go look in her room because she should still have some. Mom comes out of the room with 3 tubes in her hand and says "yes, I guess I still have some." They were Fixodent, VO5, and Vagisil. Ah...life with mom.

Alzheimers, Mom & Puppies

This is a photo of my mom with my daughter Meg. Mom will be going to live with my sister and her husband at the end of this week. I'm a little sad, a little relieved, a little nervous. I have a tendency to project into the future and, when I do, I wonder if she will be ok. I worry that she will regress. I worry that my sister will not be able to deal with her emotional ups and downs. When my sister came to visit mom earlier this week, mom told her that she was too loud. Linda (my sister) took great offense to that and got louder. Oh this will be most interesting.

Mom's physical health is improving. She will probably live to be 100. Unfortunately, her mind will not be joining her. We have her on multi vitamins and vitamin B. We make sure she eats food that will nourish her. We make sure she drinks plenty of water. It's not enough. A lightbulb is a spitboard, things move around the house on their own, yesterday is today, the remote control is used instead of the phone, eye drops are used for dentures, and the list is endless. It can be quite amusing and it can be quite frustrating. Poor mom.

The puppies are starting to learn how to obey commands. Just wish they would learn to do their business outside instead of on the carpets. One puppy is staying downstairs with my son. It's too hard to get them both trained. They're like little kids, egging each other on into trouble.

It's like having kids again...puppies and mom.

Six months

Yesterday was 6 months since Mike died. It feels like yesterday. It feels like a lifetime. I was ok. As a matter of fact, I was feeling pretty grateful.

Something happened yesterday morning that made me realize that not too many people are as fortunate as I have been. A friend's husband was having a very public discussion with her and it wasn't very nice. I will say this...Mike would never ever ever not in a million years have put me out on public display the way her husband did. We would have worked it out together.

I listen to people complain about huge marital problems and I am grateful. Oh, we definitely had our problems...especially early in our marriage. Some of them were pretty darn serious, but we worked them through. In the end, he was my best friend, and I will miss him every day for the rest of my life. Today, I'm ok.

The New Widow 2

Last Sunday, Kim and I went out to lunch with the new widow I mentioned in an earlier blog and her son. We drove 1.25 miles each way. After our lunch, she seemed calmer...and had decided to put her own needs first instead of worrying about her late husband's family. I feel like we scored on that one.

Anyways, I called her again this week to check on her. Her pain is palpable. I can feel it in her voice. Her son is wonderful to her, and yet I can't help thinking about how much better I have it. I can't even believe I said that.

My kids did not leave me for a minute. When I came home from work and thew myself across the bed to cry, my son came in the room and hugged me. When I was having a bad day, my daughters Meg and Kim would take me out on a "pointless cruise." When I felt totally overwhelmed from Mike's death and caretaking for Mary's family, I moved in with Kim and left Meg to tend to the caretaking of her sister. Dan and Jason both went out to Oregon to get Mary and her kids. I didn't have to lift a finger.

I can't imagine going through that without my kids. The "new widow" also has a son, but there's only so much one person can do. She worries about the holidays because now it's just the two of them. I sure don't have to worry about that....and my kids don't know it yet....but I invited them to spend the holidays with us.