It's said that we are at the end of an eclipse season here on earth. It has been of time of letting go to allow the new to enter. I sure have been letting go of pieces of my life lately. And I really hope the new stuff will be spectacular.
In the last 2 months, I quit the financial services job, sold my camper and let go of camp, mom moved back to my sister's, and my son and his family moved out. It's been a wild and crazy ride, but I'm ready for whatever comes next. I'm just hoping it's going to be a mix of fun, laughter, serenity and peace.
Saturday, May 25, 2013
Saturday, April 27, 2013
Wow! I must be busy!
Six months since my last post. Geez, time flies when you're having fun.
I have been on a quest to "find myself". I think I'm doing pretty well. I have been journaling a lot, taking courses for certification in the natural health fields, eating for health (and lost almost 10 pounds in the process), and quit the job in financial services (in spite of it being the better paycheck). Mom will be moving back to my sisters (she comes and goes like the wind), and I'm still looking for God.
At some point, I'll get around to making some changes with this blog, but for now, I like short and sweet.
I have been on a quest to "find myself". I think I'm doing pretty well. I have been journaling a lot, taking courses for certification in the natural health fields, eating for health (and lost almost 10 pounds in the process), and quit the job in financial services (in spite of it being the better paycheck). Mom will be moving back to my sisters (she comes and goes like the wind), and I'm still looking for God.
At some point, I'll get around to making some changes with this blog, but for now, I like short and sweet.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Am I happy yet?
A few weeks ago, I started taking my version of depression meds...Sam-e. I wasn't sure those little tinfoil wrapped, enteric coated tablets would do much, but I'm pretty sure they are doing the job.
I'm just days away from the 3 year Thanksgiving anniversary of Mike's death. And I'm ok. In fact, I really am grateful these days:
I'm just days away from the 3 year Thanksgiving anniversary of Mike's death. And I'm ok. In fact, I really am grateful these days:
- For my kids who put off their own grief so they could (in my mind) wrap me in bubble wrap so I wouldn't hurt myself in MY grief. They never left my side. They cried with me, hugged me when I collapsed on the floor, and let me cry/scream/bitch whenever the mood struck (which...well you get it).
- For our friends. Some were with me within minutes of my phone call. Some came later, and stayed with me for days and some for weeks.
- For my dogs (who get me out of the house whether I like it or not).
- For my adorable grandkids. No explanation required.
- For Facebook (yup, I mean it).
- For Wine! Hey. Whatever works.
There's so much more, and my list could go on and on. But, I'll spare you. :)
Friday, November 2, 2012
New York City Marathon
I know this is not a running blog, but I was supposed to be going to New York City tomorrow...and now I'm not. My youngest daughter, Kim, was going to run. She trained hard. Really Really Hard. And she was ready. Then Hurricane Sandy hit.
Kim debated for most of the week. She hoped it would be called off. But, as of this morning, it was still a go. So, she made the decision to pull out. She realized that she was not going to be proud to say she raced. Not this year. I was pretty proud of her for making that decision. It couldn't have been easy. Then, Mayor Bloomberg made the decision to cancel the race altogether. Thankfully.
Mayor Bloomberg may have thought the race would be a good thing for the City. He cited the fact that the race still went on after the September 11, 2001 attack. But, on that day, we had a common enemy...one who was directly responsible for the devastation. We could all galvanize behind that. We could show them that they couldn't win. Not only would New York bounce back but so would America. We would prove it! This time, there is no enemy. There is no one to blame and nothing to prove.
One thing I know from loss is that you look for someone or something to blame. If the marathon had gone on, it (and the runners) could have been blamed for hindering the recovery. And that would have damned the NYC Marathon for years to come.
Kim debated for most of the week. She hoped it would be called off. But, as of this morning, it was still a go. So, she made the decision to pull out. She realized that she was not going to be proud to say she raced. Not this year. I was pretty proud of her for making that decision. It couldn't have been easy. Then, Mayor Bloomberg made the decision to cancel the race altogether. Thankfully.
Mayor Bloomberg may have thought the race would be a good thing for the City. He cited the fact that the race still went on after the September 11, 2001 attack. But, on that day, we had a common enemy...one who was directly responsible for the devastation. We could all galvanize behind that. We could show them that they couldn't win. Not only would New York bounce back but so would America. We would prove it! This time, there is no enemy. There is no one to blame and nothing to prove.
One thing I know from loss is that you look for someone or something to blame. If the marathon had gone on, it (and the runners) could have been blamed for hindering the recovery. And that would have damned the NYC Marathon for years to come.
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Depression and Happy Pills
Lately, my mood has been pretty dark. I don't know if I'm still recovering from an illness I had recently or if it's something more sinister. I've been missing my old life a lot, and wondering how I can possibly sustain the stressful one I'm living. I know I did it to myself. Having mom living with me and feeling a huge financial burden are not making things easier.
I used to think that you could "talk yourself out of it". My journal shows that I've been trying to do that for weeks now...listing all the things I'm grateful for, things that make me happy, all love and flowers. And I'm still feeling a smallness in my life. I don't like it.
I've mentioned before that I don't much like medical intervention with prescription pills, so I'm trying something that worked before. SAM-e. I've tried St. John's Wort only to find myself needing more sleep and feeling very drowsy during the day. Today is Day 2 on my version of Happy Pills. Too soon to tell if they'll help. I'll keep you posted.
I used to think that you could "talk yourself out of it". My journal shows that I've been trying to do that for weeks now...listing all the things I'm grateful for, things that make me happy, all love and flowers. And I'm still feeling a smallness in my life. I don't like it.
I've mentioned before that I don't much like medical intervention with prescription pills, so I'm trying something that worked before. SAM-e. I've tried St. John's Wort only to find myself needing more sleep and feeling very drowsy during the day. Today is Day 2 on my version of Happy Pills. Too soon to tell if they'll help. I'll keep you posted.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
Binders Full of Women
Ok, I know this is a blog about life after being widowed, but I still do stuff like vote. I'm having a really hard time wrapping my little brain around this quote (and a few others). We're talking inequality in the workplace...he is talking dinner.
Former Governor Romney stated that women need flexible schedules so they can be with their families and make dinner. He knows there are good women out there, 'cause he had Binders Full of Women. He recognized that "if women were going to be in the workplace" they need flexible schedules. Yeah. That's what women need. Let's not worry our pretty little heads about real economic issues or the fact that most working families need real pay so they can pay for those pesky little things like the mortgage, food, and utilities.
I have to wonder, especially coming on the heels of his 47% comment, where the hell he has been living. Certainly not in my poor ass world.
Former Governor Romney stated that women need flexible schedules so they can be with their families and make dinner. He knows there are good women out there, 'cause he had Binders Full of Women. He recognized that "if women were going to be in the workplace" they need flexible schedules. Yeah. That's what women need. Let's not worry our pretty little heads about real economic issues or the fact that most working families need real pay so they can pay for those pesky little things like the mortgage, food, and utilities.
I have to wonder, especially coming on the heels of his 47% comment, where the hell he has been living. Certainly not in my poor ass world.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Sick Days
Today I feel like a steamship has taken up residence in my head...riding the waves of the ocean in a storm. Yup...that bad. So, I'll be calling out sick.
I'm paid hourly, so no work...no pay. I never worried about stuff like that 3 years ago. I had a back-up plan named Mike.
This widow thing is a pretty weird way of living. On one hand, it's kind of fun to be calling the shots. On the other hand, it's unnerving to be calling the shots. I guess I just need to find another back-up plan. One without a name.
I'm paid hourly, so no work...no pay. I never worried about stuff like that 3 years ago. I had a back-up plan named Mike.
This widow thing is a pretty weird way of living. On one hand, it's kind of fun to be calling the shots. On the other hand, it's unnerving to be calling the shots. I guess I just need to find another back-up plan. One without a name.
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