I've always been a Searcher...looking for meaning, purpose, dreams to answer to. It's harder now. I want to move on...from the feeling of aloneness, from the care of others, from the job that holds me hostage.
It seems I'm never satisfied. After Mary was injured in the car accident, I felt as if I was wrapped in a dark fog. I was totally focused on what ifs...and how to's. If only I'd known that I only had less than a month to spend time with Mike. I would have forced myself to appreciate what I still had..however fleeting.
Next week, I will be going back to "the job", at least for a short while...or maybe a long while. I don't want to. I saw an interview with Po Bronson (author). In the presentation, he mentioned that people ask themselves "Will this make me happy?" What they should be asking is "Will this make me fulfilled?" Will the job make me happy? Well, the money is pretty good. Will this job make me fulfilled? Hell no.