Sunday, December 26, 2010

32 Years

Thirty-two years ago today...Mike and I made the decision to remove our first-born child from life support. We were so young. It was my first brush with invincibility.

At 22, I was shopping for the proper black dress, and trying to make arrangements for her funeral...and at 24, Mike fell apart. My world crashed around me, and remained shattered for months...or was it years? And picked up the pieces and became a stronger couple. I look back now and wonder "how did those 2 kids go through that and live? how did they manage to somehow stick it out with each other?"

So, I knew when Mike died that, somehow, I would want to go on eventually. I'd been in that place before...the place in your mind where you wonder why you should live. I remember thinking that all I had to do was hit the accelerator and head for the tree...but I didn't. It's a good thing, because we had some really good years together.

I'm counting on a few good years now too...without him. It still makes me sad...and I wonder why I'm still here. I wonder why they are not.

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