Yesterday, on Facebook, a widowed friend of mine posted that she will be thinking of all of her widowed friends today. After that initial post, the widowed friends jumped on board wishing each other well, encouraging each other in ways that no one else could. Now, that's love.
Another friend of mine posted this: "Remember this: Saint Valentine's legend is that he encouraged his
Christian brothers and sisters while they were being persecuted by
sending a message of love to them, even while imprisoned. Valentine's
day should be remembered as a day of caring and encouraging one another,
not worrying about being single or with a lover. I challenge you today
to reach out to that person you know is struggling in life and encourage
them today in the Spirit of St. Valentine.... ♥"
On this Valentine's Day, I'm remembering the love I shared with Mike. I'm also reminding myself that there's still a lot of that left over for others.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
The Notebook
No, not the movie.
I carried one around for months. I just found it tucked away in a drawer, and I must say...it's a good thing I had it at the very beginning because I didn't know my own name...never mind who I talked to about the life insurance.
I do remember thinking that I just couldn't hold onto any information. Nothing. Nada. That notebook went with me everywhere and seemed, at times, to be an extension of my arm.
In that notebook, I wrote down a couple of things:
Sam e
Vitamin B
Vitamin D
These were the things my counselor thought would be a good addition to my depleted body. When I look back on that time, these few little "natural" pills made a lot of sense. They certainly weren't a cure-all for that intense pain, but they were more of a support for my brain. And let's face it, when you're dealing with that kind of pain, you need all the support you can get.
I carried one around for months. I just found it tucked away in a drawer, and I must say...it's a good thing I had it at the very beginning because I didn't know my own name...never mind who I talked to about the life insurance.
I do remember thinking that I just couldn't hold onto any information. Nothing. Nada. That notebook went with me everywhere and seemed, at times, to be an extension of my arm.
In that notebook, I wrote down a couple of things:
Sam e
Vitamin B
Vitamin D
These were the things my counselor thought would be a good addition to my depleted body. When I look back on that time, these few little "natural" pills made a lot of sense. They certainly weren't a cure-all for that intense pain, but they were more of a support for my brain. And let's face it, when you're dealing with that kind of pain, you need all the support you can get.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Grief as a Mental Disorder
I will probably take some flack for this, but give me a break, ok?
According to the NBC Nightly News, psychiatrists would like to term grief as a mental disorder. What a great way to get 100% of the population on medication!
Oh, I will admit...I would have done almost anything to stop the pain in those first few months, but chose not to go the drug route. First of all, I'm just way too pissed off thinking that medication was a good part of the reason for Mike's death. But it's more than that.
When do you come off the medication? And what happens when you do? Not all doctors will monitor their patients. Mike's doctor never monitored him. I don't have a lot of faith. Is it possible that, once medicated, you won't really be able to grieve? Grief is supposed to be felt. It is supposed to cut you to the core. And then, you are supposed to move into this new life, like it or not. How does that happen if you are medicated? Do you get to grieve later, when all of the support you had at the beginning wants you to "get over it?"
I will tell you...I did think I was going insane back then. And I drank wine. Is that better than the medication? Well, at least it was red. I hear there are health benefits to that.
According to the NBC Nightly News, psychiatrists would like to term grief as a mental disorder. What a great way to get 100% of the population on medication!
Oh, I will admit...I would have done almost anything to stop the pain in those first few months, but chose not to go the drug route. First of all, I'm just way too pissed off thinking that medication was a good part of the reason for Mike's death. But it's more than that.
When do you come off the medication? And what happens when you do? Not all doctors will monitor their patients. Mike's doctor never monitored him. I don't have a lot of faith. Is it possible that, once medicated, you won't really be able to grieve? Grief is supposed to be felt. It is supposed to cut you to the core. And then, you are supposed to move into this new life, like it or not. How does that happen if you are medicated? Do you get to grieve later, when all of the support you had at the beginning wants you to "get over it?"
I will tell you...I did think I was going insane back then. And I drank wine. Is that better than the medication? Well, at least it was red. I hear there are health benefits to that.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
In a New England Winter
I woke up early Monday morning to the realization that we had no heat. Two things went through my mind..."good, I saved some money" and "shit, how much is this going to cost me?" Yeah, I know.
Anyways, after making sure I still had fuel, I realized that the batteries in the thermostat were on the weak side. Luckily, I had some or the television remote would have been idled for the morning.
So, I solved a little problem on my own. Shouldn't I feel proud?
On Tuesday, we had some snow followed by rain. On the way to work, I realized that my windshield washer fluid was almost empty. I realized that I had some in the trunk of my car, so I raised the hood of my car and dumped it in when I got to work.
So, I solved a little problem on my own. Shouldn't I feel proud?
Yeah. No. What usually happens when this kind of stuff pops up, is I flip my middle finger to the sky and, in a few choice words, tell Mike what I think of him for leaving this crap for me. Yeah, I know.
Anyways, after making sure I still had fuel, I realized that the batteries in the thermostat were on the weak side. Luckily, I had some or the television remote would have been idled for the morning.
So, I solved a little problem on my own. Shouldn't I feel proud?
On Tuesday, we had some snow followed by rain. On the way to work, I realized that my windshield washer fluid was almost empty. I realized that I had some in the trunk of my car, so I raised the hood of my car and dumped it in when I got to work.
So, I solved a little problem on my own. Shouldn't I feel proud?
Yeah. No. What usually happens when this kind of stuff pops up, is I flip my middle finger to the sky and, in a few choice words, tell Mike what I think of him for leaving this crap for me. Yeah, I know.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
God Never Gives You More Than You Can Handle
What a load of crap. No...really.
I see those words a lot on social websites. But, honestly...if that were 100% true, we wouldn't have kids who kill themselves because they were bullied and people wouldn't be starving to death in Third World Countries (and maybe in our own country too).
For me, a better explanation is this: Sometimes, life just throws you a huge bomb and you get propelled into another life. Perhaps it's the life that you really are supposed to live. If God is your thing, your love for Him (and His for you) may carry you through into that next life. But to say that God never gives you more than you can handle, implies (for me) that God decided to strike him dead at my expense.
I still struggle with the God thing. Can ya tell?
I see those words a lot on social websites. But, honestly...if that were 100% true, we wouldn't have kids who kill themselves because they were bullied and people wouldn't be starving to death in Third World Countries (and maybe in our own country too).
For me, a better explanation is this: Sometimes, life just throws you a huge bomb and you get propelled into another life. Perhaps it's the life that you really are supposed to live. If God is your thing, your love for Him (and His for you) may carry you through into that next life. But to say that God never gives you more than you can handle, implies (for me) that God decided to strike him dead at my expense.
I still struggle with the God thing. Can ya tell?
Monday, January 9, 2012
Looking Back
When I think back over the last couple of years, I am quite amazed at how it is possible to go from total devastation to contentment - and even happiness. In the beginning, I was painfully aware that I was a widow. Now, I tend to remember most when I look down at the wedding ring (yes I still wear it, but that's another story) or have to put my status down on some paperwork (and I just don't get why they need to know).
So, here are a few things I've learned:
So, here are a few things I've learned:
- Family is priceless (I've always known this, but it has really been driven home since Mike died).
- Aging gracefully is an oxymoron (and if you don't believe this, I will introduce you to mom).
- It's ok to find humor in death (we're all out of here at some point, so get over it).
- Getting a puppy after the death of a spouse may not be such a good idea.
- Getting a puppy after the death of a spouse will help you feel loved again (hahahaha).
- Hiring a handyman is the next best thing to having one.
- It's ok to cry, even months and years later. That being said,
- It's ok to laugh more.
- Mini vacations with friends will make you feel like a million bucks.
- A journal and a good pen can help you see where you've been and where you're going.
- Everyone should have a bucket (at first it was filled with wine, then it was filled with friends. Friends is better)
- You are never too old to dance (no really....I'll introduce you to mom).
- Sing! It's good for the soul. Finding someone to sing with you...priceless.
- Dating again can be a little scary. Dating again can be pretty amazing.
- Giving yourself permission to grieve, laugh, cry, love, sing, & dance is perfectly ok.
Saturday, November 26, 2011
The Two Year Mark
Today...November 26...the official two year mark.
I had another dream about him last night. Well, it was actually a dream about getting audited by the IRS and he showed up to offer support after the stress landed me in the hospital.
So, for now, it's too early to know how I feel. I'm kind of afraid to get out of bed this morning for fear of feeling sad, and afraid to stay in bed for fear of dreaming about how the audit turned out. Good grief.
I had another dream about him last night. Well, it was actually a dream about getting audited by the IRS and he showed up to offer support after the stress landed me in the hospital.
So, for now, it's too early to know how I feel. I'm kind of afraid to get out of bed this morning for fear of feeling sad, and afraid to stay in bed for fear of dreaming about how the audit turned out. Good grief.
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