This I Don't Care Feeling

I've heard it called "passive suicide."

I picked up a hitchhiker. I bought a condo on the spur of the moment. I drive around with no real purpose. I gave $20 to a guy begging for cash on the street. Yeah, I know he probably spent the money on a bottle of booze. I hope he got more than one.

Would I try to stop a burglary? Run into a burning building to save a dog? I don't know, but I've thought about the possibility.

I once lived a safe, secure life. I don't know if what I'm feeling is "I don't care" or "I care too much." I've gone to the other side. Life is too short. Being safe got him dead. Being unsafe can get you dead. Dead is Dead. None of us is getting out of here alive.

I don't want to live "safe" anymore, but I don't want to cause my kids any more heartache. So, I'll need to find a "safe" outlet for "passive suicide." I make no sense.