Valentine's Day

First, a little about this new life I've been thrown into.

Mike, my husband of 35 years died suddenly on Thanksgiving Day, November 26, 2009. I have spent the last 2 1/2 months in shock, although reality is starting to set in.

We have 5 kids ranging in age from 25 to 34 and 5 grandkids.

I tried to go back to work shortly after his death, but they were the hardest days I could ever have imagined. I have been out of work ever since...on a medical leave. He had life insurance, but I will still need to work, and will have to decide whether or not to return to my current position.

Already, I have managed to get through Christmas and my birthday without him. So here we are at Valentine's Day. Last year, he bought me a new laptop computer. Funny...because we really never did the goofy, gag me kind of stuff that other couples did. He'd give me a goofy card, or a hand-written note and would ask if I wanted to do something. We usually decided not to do anything at all, but it was nice just knowing he was around.

Today, I'm sick. I'm wondering if it's some kind of unconsious illness that I brought on to ignore the day. My youngest daughter brought me flowers and chicken noodle soup. I love that kid. I honestly don't know what I would have done without my kids during this. I wonder how people without kids manage to get through something like this.

Facebook posts about Valentine's Day are annoying me. I know people want to enjoy the day and show others what they have, but damn it...

Sigh.